How to work among gossips?
The other day I received a letter with the question: “Hello. I have such a problem at work. Colleagues constantly gossip, including about me. How to work in such a team? I don’t want to quit. ” To begin with, not all gossips are dangerous. In psychology, there are three types of gossip.
know-it-all
They have no purpose to humiliate or annoy someone. Their usual method of communication is to talk endlessly about everything that happens in the office. These gossipers are not only harmless, but also useful in some ways, as they help to relieve general psychological stress.
forever dissatisfied
People of this plan can only be regretted. It is so difficult for them to self-realize that they are ready to extol themselves by humiliating others. Everyone is to blame for their bad luck, from parents, colleagues, to government and the injustice of life. Envy is their main quality, which in no way brings them closer to moral calm. They so often say bad things about others that the rest of their colleagues do not take them seriously. There is no benefit from such people, as well as special harm, too.
dear people
If a respected person began to gossip, this is a cause for concern. He can spoil your reputation by questioning your success.
How to recognize the gossip in advance?
Forewarned is forearmed. Let’s find out how gossipers behave?
They are constantly trying to prove to everyone and everywhere that it is their projects that are the best, the most profitable for the company. They love to exhibit their work, not forgetting to mention what they are workaholics.
They monitor all the mistakes of colleagues and report them to management. Often engaged in not only gossip, but also blackmail.
“Would you, Shura … in the accounting department.” They are not the best specialists, but active social activists: they are good at the management, they like to pass on information to the authorities that defame others. At the same time, it is stipulated that what is happening is very disturbing to them and they, as community activists, consider it necessary to talk about it. To protect themselves, they clarify that they heard this information by chance.
How to protect yourself from gossip?
If you are not yet gossiped, take care of your moral peace in advance.
Do not tell about colleagues what you would never say to their faces. Otherwise it may happen that your words reach them in a distorted way.
Do not tell anything extra about yourself. For example, employees who have a lower income can not talk about buying an expensive car, apartment, equipment. Employees who have major health problems should not be told how wonderful you climbed the mountains, went hiking, and participated in city competitions. People who are not lucky with their personal lives should not talk about your popularity with the opposite sex. Also do not tell about your business blunders that you noticed and eliminated. For example, they lost an important contact, but then they found it. Forgot the name of the employee, but then remembered.
Monitor possible gossips. A gossip may turn out to be quite a benevolent and charming person who dissolves gossip with some definite purpose – to take your place, to take revenge because he is in love with you, and you do not pay attention, etc.
What if colleagues are already gossiping?
Do not be offended by these people. Resentment can give a reason to consider the stupid fantasies of colleagues true. It would be more correct not to give reason for gossip, not to spread gossip, to treat “stories about yourself” with humor.
Do not condemn gossips. Gossipers of the “ever-dissatisfied and insecure” type are doing this bad thing because they lack attention. And they are forced to blurt out confidential information and work as correspondents of the yellow press in order to keep at least some interest in themselves. This is a kind of disease, and how can you condemn sick people? Gossipers from the category of “respected people” gossip to carry out their evil plans. For example, to achieve your dismissal, to distance you from the team, because you are not sympathetic / incomprehensible to them and so on.
Analyze the motives of their behavior. For example, you bought an expensive car or you were promoted. Now it is important not to turn conversations into intrigue.
Reveal the cards. Not everyone decides on this, but it will be very useful to gather all those who are “interested” and talk about the topic that concerns them. Ask for questions and answer them.
You can also talk to a likely gossip in private. Conversation in private is more effective than in a group, as it allows two people to be more frank among themselves, helps to understand the true cause of the conflict (for example, the employee wants to take your place, or you just don’t like him, because you remind his former girlfriend), and sometimes helps and make friends. The main thing is to behave politely, respectfully and confidently. Do not give out the source of information. Say something like this: “I have received the information that you are interested in the sources of my income.” To avoid further spreading gossip, be sure to say at the end of the conversation: “I am glad that we have discussed this topic. In the future, if you have any questions, you can contact me directly. “